Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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