I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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