My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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