Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
