Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
