You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
