Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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