If i come over, it means nothing
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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