I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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