Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
