Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My hand turned me down
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
