I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
