I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
