i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
