I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
