In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
