Don't make out with my wife yet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
