Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fuck appropriateness.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
