i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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