I think im going to throw up on grandma
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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