Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
