I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
