This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
