Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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