She announced her abortion via fbk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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