Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
