I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
