Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
