i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
