I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my penis made a compromise with my morals
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
