You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
