Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
