At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
