We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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