Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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