you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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