dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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