So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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