Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
