i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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