my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's never too late to be topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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