haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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