I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My feet surprised me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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