im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
