Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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