What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
