I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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