if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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