you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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