walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
