i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
