My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
