I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
