last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
