false alarm. still invincible.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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