i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
