I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
