Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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