I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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