I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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