he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
