she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
