we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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