You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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