I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
